apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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