when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize