bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
