Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i already hear my dad disowning me
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
