Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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