apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
No subtext here. People are naked.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
