how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
