It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
