ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
