I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm jealous of your bromance
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Randomize
