I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize