I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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