Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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