i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I smell stomach acid.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
