the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
