Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
