You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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