Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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