if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize