there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So squirting runs in the family.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
