Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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