my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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