Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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