If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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