I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
