I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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