I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
People in love make me want to vomit
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
high people should be assigned attendants
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I want to fling myself into the sun
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize