I heard we made out
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
