How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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