lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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