it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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