I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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