I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
