On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
