1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
