Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
