Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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