hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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