I want to walk on stilts...naked
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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