Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
