Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
