Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
