There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
