so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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