Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
