im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
