so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
wow bdsm is so cute
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
