I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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