just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
