U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
