Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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