3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
