Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
