You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
