You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
