I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You are the jesus of drinking
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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