So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
