I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
