My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
