We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
