I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
