Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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