I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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