i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
