I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
