I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
