I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
