I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
