i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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