i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I need a beard to bite.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
