I think I died a long time ago.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
