So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
