i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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