Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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