I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
