i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
